Welcome to Word Vomit Wednesday! A series of blog posts about a specific topic from current events that I, and sometimes the rest of the Internet, ruminate obsessively about. All thoughts/opinions/experiences are my own; I don’t claim anything that I write to represent anyone other than myself.
I’m kind of tired of writing about how fed up I am. This feeling is definitely not exclusive to me. If the “me too” hashtag (which was originated by activist Tarana Burke, a *black woman, ten years ago) that exploded this week is any indication, about 50% of the world population is fed up and tired. But that’s also not news to me and it’s not news to anyone who came out and said “me too.” I also just want to say how moved by the many women who came out and wrote the most poignant, searing, powerful essays inspired by this. I feel like so many have already said what needs to be said and has been saying, basically, forever. I’m not entirely sure what else I can add to the conversation. I’m also extremely grateful to the women that wrote in more detail about their experiences and also what they expect from men in terms of action items.
I’m grateful to these women because 1) I'm not ready to do the former and 2) for the latter: I don’t want to do that. My threshold for explaining things to men, like why I deserve to be treated like a human and not a sex object, is completely full. I can count the men I can have tough conversations with, without feeling like I’m unimportant or on trial, on one hand. My worst nightmare, since I was a child, was growing up and being stuck in a relationship where I have to repeat myself over and over and over again and just have to constantly cater to someone who needs me to ask them to do something instead of them just taking the initiative and doing something because it needs to be done and shouldn’t have to always fall on me. That is my circle of hell. And one of the reasons I have remained perpetually single for thirty years.
I don’t know what it’s going to take for men (particularly white, cis, hetero) to make the effort to change. I’m heartened to know a few individual male people who do stand up, I just wish what they were doing was more contagious. I feel so jaded most of the time. I am optimistic that every time there is a wave of #metoo and #yesallwomen that it deepens the cracks in the proverbial glass ceiling. But can’t we just fucking demolish the glass ceiling already? It doesn’t need to be there. It just takes up So. Much. GODDAMN. SPACE!!! I’m over it.
I’m over being suspicious all the time about what people’s intentions are with me. I’m over developing relationships with people and feeling that deep drop my stomach takes once I realize this person sees me as less than. I’m tired of not being considered. Not being asked what I think or how I feel about something. I’m tired of being called “sweetie” by well-intentioned men who don’t realize it’s only a term of endearment when my father calls me that and otherwise it’s just infantilizing. I’m over Donna Karan and her bullshit. No, Donna, what someone chooses to wear or not wear NEVER indicates "asking for it." Fuck off. I’m over thinking that I’m making friends and then realizing that I stop hearing from folks because they realize that I don’t want to bone them. I’m over the constant reminder that I’m only good for one thing.
I’m really tired of women constantly baring their souls and nothing ever fucking changing. I’m going to conclude with saying that for everyone who wrote a “me too” status, I love you. I support you. I see you. I believe you. And thank you for those who have shown me your support in return. For those who chose not to share, you and your experiences and choices are valid. I love you and I support you. To the activists who are constantly fighting for us and keeping us thinking critically no matter how tired and over it they are, THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU.
*Black women are oftentimes the leaders and originators of our most important social justice movements and are also erased from the stories once white people get involved. It is our responsibility to give credit where credit is due.
Katie Louchheim is hopping on another hashtag in an effort for men to take on the burdens of their actions rather than putting them on us. From Liz Plank: “Your shame is not ours. No sir.” #HimThough